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Archive for February, 2012

OCCUPY CONTRACEPTIVE MOVEMENT HYPOCRISY (Warning: Content Contains Dark Comical Satire)

February 24th, 2012 by Ted Silberstein

Aired on WDBO, Orlando, February 23, 2012: 8:23 a.m.

WRITE IN: Virginia lawmakers have voted to get rid of one controversial abortion consent rule and replaced it with another..but it’s still not law yet. ABC’s Andy Field has details.

VERBATIM: Virginia’s Governor and House changed the controversial abortion consent bill removing a rule that forced women to get a trans vaginal ultrasound before getting an abortion. NARAL PROCHOICE president Nancy Keenan says the new rule would still require an external ultrasound (It is unconscionable and this should be between a woman and her doctor and not politicians in Richmond.) The Virginia senate and governor must still ok the abortion rule Andy Field ABC News

First of all, let me begin by saying that although I consider myself a dyed-in-the-wool conservative, I most definitely diverge from my fellow conservatives on some things, chief among them, abortion.  Sorry fellow conservatives, this may disappoint you, but I’m not against it.  In fact, not only am I not against it, I’m all for it.  In fact, if it were up to me we’d have a whole lot more of it.  In fact, I’d be issuing discount coupons.  How about Ladies Night with abortions 2 for 1.  In fact, I’d be for advertizing blitzes like the car dealerships do.  The Orlando car dealership’s ad “Where Everybody Rides,” should be followed by the abortion clinic’s ad “Where Every Baby Dies.”  We all remember Dan Aykroyd’s old character on Saturday Night Live, Irwin Mainway, President of  Mainway Novelties, makers of such great hazardous children’s toys as Bag O’ Glass – I’d like to see Mainway put ‘Bag O’ Bortions’ on every pharmacy shelf.  You get the picture I’m just not a kid kind of guy, I’m pro-choice.  Deal with it my fellow conservatives, I prefer puppies.

Now, having said all that and making my position on the subject graphically and morbidly clear with what I assure you is satire, I would warn the other pro-choice thinkers who believe the government should force insurance companies, employers and churches to pay for women’s contraception, you haven’t turned me.  Don’t rejoice because I’m pro-choice.  No, I am not your friend.  You are hypocrites.  The hell you say?  Listen again I’ll repeat it for you.  You who want the government to force insurance companies, employers and churches to pay for women’s contraceptives are hypocrites.  Why?  Well, since you didn’t ask, I’ll tell you.

My reasoning can be encapsulated in the header story above reported in yesterday’s news out of the State of Virginia, where National Association for the Repeal of Abortion Laws (NARAL PRO-CHOICE) President Nancy Keenan protested a rule in an abortion consent bill which would require women to have an external ultrasound before getting an abortion.  Keenan said “It is unconscionable, and this should be between a woman and her doctor and not politicians in Richmond.”   Oh really?  I invite you to closely analyze Keenan’s statement and spot the hypocrisy.  On one hand Keenan pronounces that contraception should only be between a woman and her doctor.  But then in the same breath, she and the Occupy Contraceptive crowd also demand that politicians pass laws forcing insurance companies, employers and churches to pay for women’s contraceptives.  So in other words, in the world according to Keenan, contraception should be between a woman and her doctor and not politicians – But apparently ONLY until women want the contraceptives without having to pay for it, THEN all of a sudden contraceptives become a matter between the woman and her doctor AND her politician.  Funny how that works isn’t it?

If you’re expecting your insurance company to cover your nose job, your boob job or your hair transplant, your insurance company is going to tell you to take a hike because those are elective procedures.  The last time I checked, having sex was also an elective procedure, and the expenses involved with it from the hotel room to the contraceptives are the responsibility of the participants.

I may be pro-choice, but to you of the Occupy Contraceptive crowd, you are hypocrites, and I am not your friend. 

By the way, not to open up a can of worms here, but why is the Occupy Contraceptive crowd discriminating against men?  Why aren’t they also demanding that vasectomies be free?  And the absurdity continues.

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Life begins When? A Rusty Birthday Story

February 4th, 2012 by Bob Gilmore

We now re-join Sir Bobalot, the Knight in Rusty Armour,as he approaches the Great Swamp of Memories along the winding road of his life. He stops at the edge,removes his helmet and then ponders whether to proceed straight through and possibly sinking into his past or travel around towards the unknown. Unlike a fire breathing dragon,this challenge he can only see in his mind and has the same level of skill and cunning. The invisible foe that lies before him is……HIMSELF. Let’s watch the Rusty Knight from the cover of trees and thickets and let today’s birthday story unfold…

Since Feb.3 fell on a workday this year and the Superbowl is tomorrow,any birthday dinner or shopping for myself will be scheduled for today. I have been up since 6:30am because all 3 cats were pawing my face and whomping the stuffing out of me for their breakfast. There was no sense in going back to sleep, so as the coffee was brewing I stood in front of the fireplace mantle where all the recent birthday cards are displayed. They are the usual mix of silly jokes and reminders not to worry about getting older. As I looked them over I began to recall exactly 12 months ago how I was told that life begins at 50. This wisdom of course came from people older than myself. These are the people that got married in the 50,s and early 60′s, were employed by large companies with benefits for many years,bought houses in the suburbs with 30yr mortgage,had children early,no long term depressions and could save for retirement along with pensions,social security etc,etc. They got a mortgage and had kids in their 20′s and in their 50′s the kids are gone and the mortgage is paid. I then turned toward my Armour that I have forged during my life so far and noticed a little more rust on the tops of the metal boots. I realized how it got there and in a low voice said to myself…”don’t piss on my shoes and then tell me it’s raining”.

( We may recall that when our Rusty Knight turned half-century and was up to his iron waist in offers from AARP, it was also Sir Bobalot’s darkest hour. Unemployed for a long time with little hope, savings completely wiped out,economy destroyed..all was lost. Then,months later the call came for him to once again saddle-up and ride. With high hopes and very low wages our oxidized hero is now charging and slashing his way forward in a desperate attempt to start his life over from scratch. This is what brings him to the edge of the Great Swamp of Memories.)

As I look out over the swamp and watch many of my fondest memories of my past bubble up and mix with some of the dark ones. I must decide whether or not to forget the past and leave it far behind or hold on to it and and run the risk of dragging it like a heavy chain into the unknown,hindering any progress. This problem hit me like a lance at full gallop a while back in the Rite-Aid drugstore. I entered the store as a favor for a coworker and as if lured by a temptress I stopped dead in my tracks at a display of toy cars and trucks. There before me was an exact model of my first car. The moment I saw it the memories engulfed me like a prairie fire. I purchased the little toy car hoping to pay homage to the original for giving me such happiness while I had it and lightly wishing to be reunited so the thrill could be relived. Be careful what you wish for…..

Now that I have been working steadily since mid-May is not really necessary to don my rusty action wear every hour for helping others and day- to- day- daring-do…until a few days ago while driving a heavy company truck north on hwy36 past Keansberg/Union Beach. As I was slowing down for a red signal ahead a familiar shape caught my eye on the side of the road. A moment later it came into full view and suddenly a shocking chill flashed up my spine. Like a man possessed I swerved over to the shoulder and brought twelve and a half tons of steel pipe,fire hydrants and valves to a screeching,bone crushing halt. My eyes were like burning red coals staring down at what stood before me and my diesel burning steed….

Only the most powerful sorcery could have conjured up such an object to test me! The little toy car I brought home was now full size and standing only a few feet away! As I looked over her hood to the windshield another chill ran through me like a knife…

It has been said that the pen is mightier than the sword and in this case it is true. Even if I would have been wearing my rusty tux that day I would have sheathed my Excalibur and chose not to fight and to wait until the odds were tilted in my favor. The reason is because the pen wrote..FOR SALE. Until we meet again temptress,I have your number.

Looking over the swamp with my helmet in one hand and sword in the other,I have decided to use my old school construction skills to solve the dilemma.(the Rusty Knight’s secret identity is a carpenter). I do not wish to avoid my past by going around it and taking the long way,nor do I want to be lost or sinking in it. After all, my past is what made me what I am today. We have been told to either” think inside or outside the box”. Being of limited means and starting over, I think maybe it’s time to use the box itself…to carry my tools through whatever lies ahead. As I look around the Great Swamp of Memories I see everything I may need…trees for lumber and raft,long vines for lashing. I would much rather build a bridge out of logs and vines so that I can often travel back and forth whenever I want. I would also make it strong enough for cars to cross like green Maverick’s,yellow Novas and orange Pontiac’s from the past.

Now that our slightly corroded crusader is another year older, he realizes that a certain age or finding employment does not determine when your life begins. I does however, begin when you start living each day to the fullest and working with what you have at hand. You can first build a raft and then use it to build a bridge. We(Rusty’s friends) have all had more hysterical,fall down,piss yourself laughing good times making and flying paper hot air balloons than anybody will ever have playing electronic games..ever.

I’m sure we will look in on the Rusty Knight from time to time and to follow his adventures. Fair maidens, dragons,swamps,cars…nothing is off limits to this squeaking,clanking cowboy!

Well, it’s time for a coffee refill and later on Sir Bobalot will be off to supper with his Hooters Gift Card! A lot of the waitresses know that the Rusty Knight helps animal rescue with medical supplies and pet food. He drops off cat and dog food donations to a few of the girls at Hooters that have rescues also. Hot babes love a hero,even if he’s a year older.

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