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Common Sense For Common People


John Kerry Is A Joke

June 25th, 2009 by Rich Szabo

John Kerry added to his long list of lame joke attempts yesterday when he wished South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford’s disappearance on Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin.

Speaking to some business and civic leaders he had invited to Washington, Kerry said: “Too bad if a governor had to go missing it couldn’t have been the governor of Alaska. You know, Sarah Palin.”


He should talk. He’s his own walking punchline.

So Mr. Kerry, let’s look at you:

“John Kerry went duck hunting and he’s doing that to fulfill his campaign pledge to hunt down the ducks and kill them wherever they are. Kerry did pretty well; he came back with four ducks and three Purple Hearts.” —David Letterman

“Last week, Senator Kerry was eight points behind President Bush, today he is three points ahead. Is this the kind of indecision we want in a president?” —Announcer in a mock Bush-Cheney ad, “Late Show With David Letterman”

“We make jokes about it but the truth is this presidential election really offers us a choice of two well-informed, opposing positions on every issue. OK, they both belong to John Kerry, but they’re still there.” —Jay Leno

“John Kerry met with the AARP. They were having their convention. He gave a speech, then Kerry introduced his retirement plan — his wife, Teresa.” —Jay Leno

“Bush and Cheney say now they’re targeting people who can’t make up their minds, so apparently they’re trying to get John Kerry’s vote as well.” —Jay Leno

“John Kerry says the ‘W’ in George W. Bush stands for ‘Wrong.’ But he still can’t explain what John Kerry stands for.” —David Letterman

“On the campaign trail, the president continued what has been a theme throughout the year: John Kerry is a flip-flopper. Oh, and also consistently liberal.” —Jon Stewart

“Vice President Dick Cheney attacked John Kerry. He said that John Kerry ‘lacks deeply held convictions.’ Today Kerry shot back, he said, ‘That’s not completely true.'” —Jay Leno

“John Kerry announced a fool-proof plan to wipe out the $500 billion deficit. John Kerry has a plan, he’s going to put it on his wife’s Gold Card.” —Craig Kilborn

“They say John Kerry is the first Democratic presidential candidate in history to raise $50 million in a three-month period. Actually, that’s nothing. He once raised $500 million with two words: ‘I do.'” —Jay Leno

“This is so weird. I saw the new John Kerry campaign commercial and he says, ‘I’m John Kerry and I approve of this message — if I have one.'” —Craig Kilborn

“The White House began airing their TV commercials to reelect the president, and the John Kerry campaign is condemning his use of 9/11 in the ads. He said it is unconscionable to use the tragic memory of a war in order to get elected, unless of course, it’s the Vietnam War.” —Jay Leno

“There was an embarrassing moment at a recent Democratic fundraiser. When John Kerry was handed a $10 million dollar check, he said, ‘I do.'” -Craig Kilborn

“John Kerry and Ralph Nader met face-to-face, it was a historic meeting. Astronomers said today their meeting actually created what is called a ‘charisma black hole.'” -Jay Leno

“John Kerry accused President Bush of catering to the rich. You know, as opposed to John Kerry who just marries them.” -Jay Leno

I still can’t believe the people in the Republic of Massachusetts keep voting for this guy.

I still can’t believe the people in the Republic of Massachusetts keep voting for this guy.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, June 25th, 2009 at 12:52 pm and is filed under General Buzz. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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